Being a parent is one the most wonderful experiences that a person could have in his or her lifetime. Everyone wants to be a good parent, but no one is ever born a parent. Parents do extensive research, go to mommy-and-me (or daddy-and-me) classes, read books, browse online blogs, and subscribe to magazine, all in order to improve their parenting skills. This generation has taken parenthood to the next level–to learning it and becoming expert in it, just like a career.
I sat down and thought: what really makes a parent a “good parent?” Are there “good” parents and “bad” parents? I am not referring to any form of abusive or extreme parenting. Can a person better him or herself as a parent, just as simply as going to the gym and getting better at doing push-ups? Is parenting a skill?
I believe that the ability to develop healthy communication with your child is a skill. Some are naturally great at it while others need to be guided. This is nothing to be ashamed of. This skill can be enhanced through Signing. Signing creates magic between our kids and us. “Signing is not the goal, signing is the tool to better communication,” something you hear me say over and over again at every conference or speaking engagement.
Here are my 6 favorite tips collected over the years, which I think make parents into wonderful parents. You will notice that these skills will improve your relationship with anyone you care about, not only with your children. The following are tips for good parents to remember:
1. Watch what you say and do. This is one of the most important principles that you have to bear in mind. Kids are always watching what you do and how you are reacting to situations. It is very important that you do NOT react to any situation in the spur of the moment.
2. Establish and set routines. I believe that establishing a routine for your family is an extremely powerful tool in creating a sense of safety and stability for your entire household. Your family routine is the source of your child’s trust in the world, and of his place in it – his routine offers him all the information he needs to know to navigate through the events of his day. A routine transforms moments of transition from torturous, tantrum-filled tug-of-wars, to opportunities for cooperation, teamwork, and expressions of love and trust.
3. Foster your child’s independence. Ensuring independence will help your child develop a sense of self-direction and self-esteem. She will grow to be a problem-solver and learn much about herself, from a simple trial and error. Let her play by herself, eat by herself, make her own bed, and learn about herself from being independence.
4. Always mean what you say. Being a parent has taught me one important thing—it’s that “being consistent is very crucial”. Consistency transforms you not only into an effective parent but also into an effective person. No one wants to be surrounded by people who say they will do one thing, and then do another. It is the same when raising kids, because children need and respect boundaries, and they feel safe within boundaries. It’s not always easy to stick to our boundaries as parents, but it does pay off in the end.
5. Give respect and get respect. The best way to teach children about being respectful to others and to their peers is simple—treat them respectfully. You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Spend quality time with him face-to-face. Children treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your child is the foundation for his relationships with others.
6. Teach them the importance of learning. Learning does not always mean getting the best classes or the best grades. Learning means to be curious, to ask questions and discover new things. When I asked one of my families why they wanted to learn how to sign with their 7 month old, they answered, “We want to learn something new, something we never learned before!” That summarized the meaning of learning. Good parenting indicates setting an example for your children. Show your little one that mastering knowledge is fulfilling. Help your child get pleasure in studying and be thankful when they ask a lot of questions (even if it is the million and one question!). Spend time with your child and make him explore the benefits of education.
“Good parenting” is really as simple as parenting with awareness. Be mindful and curious about your child’s curiosity, as he is curious with yours. You are BOTH learning new skills together and no one expecting you to master them immediately. Allow yourself to try, and decide for yourself which methods of parenting you like the most. Acknowledge that you are in the process of parenting, just like your child is in the process of growing.