Do you ever wonder what your child is thinking? Do you want to know what he or she thinks about an event that recently occurred? Are you interested in what makes your little one tick? Our little ones often perplex us with their individual personalities and interesting facial expressions; all indicating something is going on in that mind of theirs. As parents we want to know all about what it is. So how do you find out what your little one is thinking or how they are experiencing the world while they are young? We have some answers about the best way to have a conversation with your child. The secret lies in both rapport building and narrative practice.
What is that?! We all know what rapport is: relation marked by harmony. The secret is to first establish rapport: show your child you are on his or her side and on the side of truth. Narrative is rooted in how you ask your questions and your responses. What does this means for you and your child?
Give open ended invitations to narrative: Invite your child to tell you about it. Children are more likely to volunteer honest information when prompted with an open ended invitation, such as- “Tell me everything about your dog Maggie” vs. a close ended question: (“Is that your dog?”) Your child will take close ended questions literally. Questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no will get you just that, a “yes” or “no.” Children often feel pressure to answer a close-ended question. This can lead to an answer your child knows is not true. Studies show that children often offered an explanation even when asked a nonsensical close-ended question: “Is a box louder than a knee?”Asking open-ended questions that allow for free and full answers is the most effective way to find out what your little one is thinking.
Allow your child to speak freely: Our children love to please us, and they are susceptible to the clues we give them. Providing a positive or negative response to a particular answer or phrase may cause your child to repeat the statement that received the positive feedback. These clues can be very subtle: smiling at a particular answer or giving a certain response. Do give feedback in order to show understanding. For example say “uh oh” or “Oh” instead of “that’s not good” or “That’s great!” “Uh oh” and “Oh” will encourage talking, but not lead your child to give a specific statement in order to please you.
Ask your child for the truth: Studies show that asking for the truth outright, or asking your child to give an oath, a promise to tell the truth, encourages more honest answers. Ensure your child knows you are not trying to get an answer you want, but rather the truth as they see it. Be sure your child knows it’s ok to say “I don’t know.”
Focusing on the open-ended questions, with unemotional feedback, and a declaration of the importance of truth will give you the most insight into your little ones mind. Conversations with your little one are a great way to encourage expression and help your child feel heard, known, and loved. Enjoy getting to know your little one. Happy conversing!