Imagine having a safe place to explore and share emotions, to know there is someone that will simply listen and accept you for who you are during confusing times?! We spend a lot of time ensuring our kids become successful adults, and a part of that is dealing with emotions that are “not so pleasant.”
Imagine providing a safe haven now. A place where your child knows he or she can turn and be accepted. Is this possible?
All you need are appropriate boundaries.
Events happen in this world and our little ones need to see that un-happy emotions do not have to be ignored, but can be, and must be, faced head on, with guidance from trusted people in our lives. So how do we do this?
We model it! In our discussions with them, as a family, and with our spouse, we make sure we explore the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.
Though children must be guarded from some parental disputes, it is important for your little ones to see how you deal with the emotions that arise from unmet expectations, hurt, and even anger. You can do this by cluing your little one in on some of the details. Start by calmly explaining (sometimes we need to take time between the issue and discussing it with our little one so we can calm ourselves) what happened, how it made us (all parties involved) feel, and how we reached a conclusion.
As time goes on your child will grasp the understanding that it is ok to disagree, and unhappy feelings are good! They inform us of what must happen next and the role we play in that action. These feeling must be validated in order to move through them and allow difficult times to shape you as a person.
Here are three tips to exploring the difficult side of life with your little one:
1. Know your child: Pay attention to the times your child is most open for discussion. Is it during dinner, in the car, or before bedtime? Make sure that you make yourself available during these times to just listen! Being heard is the first step to having feelings validated. Which is often a helpful step to dealing with them.
2. Listen: This means stopping all other tasks, no phone calls, emails, or even TV. Be available. And most importantly listen to your child’s point of view, even if it is difficult to hear. Allow your little one to finish his or her thought before you respond.
3. Allow: Though we all want to prevent our children from experiencing hurt. It is important that you allow your child to make his or her own mistakes. First ensure the situation is a safe one, with consequences that are not too dangerous. After you have listened and provided guidance, allow your little one space or wiggle room to discover the realities on their own. Doing so in a safe place will help prevent dangerous decisions in the future!
Remember COMMUNICATION is key! Sometimes completely shielding a child from what is going on provides an opportunity for their imagination to run wild. Employ age appropriate information when something major: a move, job loss, or death for example, is going on in your family unit. Honesty in these situations will go a long way with building trust between you and your child.
Enjoy this time with your little one. You are building a foundation of trust and honesty. Help your little one know- it is their party and they can cry if they want to!