Why It’s Time to Take Them Off and be Authentic
As everyone is busy choosing the perfect costume on Halloween or Purim Eve (the Jewish Halloween), we forget that most of us wear masks throughout the year and in our relationships. These aren’t the masks bought from a store, but the ones that hide who we truly are. So many masks to choose from: the “nice one”, the “tough one”, the “unmoved.” Each of us becomes an expert in the art of disguise. How far do we go to maintain these appearances?
We wear different masks for different situations. In relationships, we may wear the “ideal partner” mask. Within the family, we might masquerade as “the perfect son or daughter.” Meanwhile, at work, we perhaps disguise ourselves as “the dedicated employee who never falters.” Each mask is a prop for another performance in which we try to convince ourselves and those around us of our inauthentic selves.
All these are essentially barriers that separate us from the world – especially in our closest relationships. Most of us seek how we want others to see us: as ideal partners, model parents, or exemplary employees. In the pursuit of this “perfect” image, we often hide our true needs out of fear of being perceived as needy or weak.
The fear of taking off the mask stems from the fear of vulnerability and the fear of rejection. If we admit we have feelings, we are afraid we may be perceived as weak. We worry that our truth won’t be accepted with understanding and love, so we prefer to stay safe behind the mask. Society has created a negative perception around expressing needs in relationships, leading many of us to silence ourselves. We pretend everything is fine as if we have no needs or feelings, for fear of being labeled “too sensitive.”
But what happens when this pressure reaches its peak?
Sometimes, we explode at unexpected moments or, conversely, we withdraw into ourselves. Both lead to pain and loneliness.
Removing the Masks: Being Vulnerable
The strength to acknowledge our needs and seek to fulfill them is not only the foundation for healthy and deepening relationships, but also indicates inner strength and courage. By choosing to remove the masks and be vulnerable to those close to us, we not only reveal ourselves as we truly are but we also open the door to a deeper and more genuine connection.
Vulnerability is a bridge to authenticity and closeness. It requires mutual trust and allows us to see and relate to each other in a more human and genuine way. This can be challenging, especially in a society that values independence and strength. The question is whether we are willing to accept the challenge, be true to ourselves, and present our vulnerabilities as an inseparable part of who we are.
The Risks and Fears
The risk of removing the masks and exposing our needs is significant: fear of rejection, fear of criticism, or unmet needs. But the alternative, continuing to live behind a mask, prevents us from experiencing genuine and meaningful connections. It’s worth asking ourselves: Do we prefer to live in an illusion of perfection or to take the risk and experience the closeness that comes from being authentic and vulnerable?
Ways to Remove the Masks
The path to removing the mask is not easy because it involves courage and honesty. It’s like peeling an onion – you might shed a tear or two, but at the end of the process, you discover the true core. Start with small acts of honesty and recognition towards yourself and those around you.
Removing masks in the context of personal relationships is like jumping into a pool without knowing if the water is cold or warm – scary, but refreshing. These “masks” are the roles, behaviors, and attitudes we present to the world, not necessarily reflecting who we truly are. Maybe you’re pretending to be a football enthusiast when your favorite sport is windsurfing. Perhaps you’re hiding your true feelings to avoid conflict or rejection.
Removing the masks means connecting to our true thoughts, feelings, and desires, even if it makes us feel vulnerable. It’s about honestly showing the world who we are, what we need, and what we value. This authenticity creates deeper connections and more meaningful interactions because it allows for genuine understanding and acceptance between people.
Why It’s Much Better to Live Without Masks
- 1. Self-acceptance: When we remove masks, we begin to accept ourselves as we are, with all our flaws and strengths. This liberation creates a foundation for genuine self-confidence and security.
- 2. Deeper Connections: Authentic interactions lay the groundwork for deeper, more meaningful connections. When we express ourselves truthfully, it invites others to do the same.
- 3. Less Worry: Living behind a mask is a full-time job. Worrying about being “caught” can lead to anxiety and stress. Removing the mask eases this pressure.
- 4. Self-integrity: Being authentic means our actions align with our beliefs and values. This alignment creates a sense of wholeness.
- 5. Growth and Resilience: Facing the world as we are can be challenging and sometimes lead to rejection or criticism. However, these are also opportunities for growth. They teach us resilience and strengthen our ability to stand behind our beliefs.
- 6. The Joy of Being Recognized: One of the deepest human desires is to be loved and accepted by others. By removing the masks, we give ourselves the chance to experience such a relationship authentically.
Removing masks is about shedding the layers that prevent us from living authentically. It requires courage and sometimes seems like a risk. It can also lead to a richer and more satisfying experience that provides deeper connections with others, personal growth, and inner peace.
During this holiday of masks, ask yourself: Which mask do I choose to remove today in order to live with more authenticity, courage, and love?
Dr. Etel Leit (Light) holds a doctorate in positive psychology and researches human communication and relationships. Leit is a communication and media professional, author of three bestsellers, and lectures on psychology and business.
On closer communication: Groups and individual meetings –
media@DrEtelLeit.com