French concepts of parenting are getting a lot of attention as French parenting books and articles are becoming popular search topics on the web, in the media, and on book shelves. After reading many articles about the French parenting style, it got me thinking about the comparisons to my own life. I am American carrying an American passport, married to an native American dad, and mothering two amazing American children. But I am also Israeli–I grew up in an Israeli household and still carry an Israeli passport.
Two different parenting styles. Or maybe not.
Having worked with thousands of parents throughout the years and being a mom myself, I find that parents always mean well or have good intentions. Parents make essential decisions and vital choices every day that shape the lives of their children, whether it is regarding school, medical visits, or even which languages are spoken at home.
Some of these day-to-day choices sometimes do not seem crucial at all to us. For example, if a child misbehaves at the dinner table or refuses to adhere to his bedtime routine, what is a parent supposed to do? The next steps in these situations are often shaped by a family\’s parenting philosophy. Each family is different. Each family hopefully develops its own unique routine to deal with these challenging situations, but unfortunately, some do not. Is your bedtime routine with your child the same as that of a mom in France? Probably not.
But more importantly, your bedtime routine is probably not the same as that of your best friend from high school who also has 2 kids and lives in the same city.
My point is that not all American parents adopt the same parenting style–some are more authoritative, others are more permissive, and everywhere in between. These parenting styles are often influenced by the culture in which these families grow up. American parents react to parenting issues differently from French or Israeli or Japanese parents, even if all of these families grow up in the same country. Culture plays a big role in determining which decisions are the right decisions to make, but it is ultimately up to each parent to decide. Do you believe in the importance of independence and individuality or do you value tradition and structure?
As much as it is an extreme example, in many countries in Africa and Asia, corporal punishment in the home is lawful and widely practiced. The fact that it is the norm in Africa and Asia, doesn’t make it right. Here, in America, any form of severe discipline can teeter between parenting and abuse. This extreme example (though it brings about unpleasant images) reminds us that each society has different expectations regarding parenting and home life. Because these differences can range so widely, it is not in our best interests to compare the parenting styles of one society with another because these styles are influenced (but not determined) by what the culture defines as acceptable.
I don\’t believe that your parenting style is locationally confined to that of your peers; not all French or American mothers react to situations in the same way. It is up to you, as the parent, to decide which parenting style best fits your family–and often the one you choose will draw characteristics from two styles. Naturally, you will be influenced by the way your parents raised you, your society and its norms, and your style of living.
Parents, you can parent how you think is best. Just keep your child\’s best interests in mind, be open to communication and change, and your family will have a great healthy relationship!