How do you navigate one of the most endearing yet complex relationships your child could ever have?
Having siblings is a seriously funny dynamic. One second, you hate their guts, and the next you love them to death. It’s inexplicable, but something about all those petty arguments and all that fighting? It just feels right. That’s not to say that these bonds can’t be broken. If you’re not careful, with enough twisting and bending, these bonds can eventually break and become irreparable.
Sibling relationships are like the ultimate long-term investment—they can bring incredible returns if handled properly. From sharing toys to sharing life’s big moments, the bond between siblings can be one of the most enduring and rewarding connections we have. So how can you, as a parent, nurture healthy sibling relationships from the get-go?
Childhood: Prime Time for Exploration and Learning
When the kids are still little ones, make sure to instill in them lessons that they’ll be sure to remember down the line. Start early and teach your kids to learn to love themselves and each other!
- Play a LOT: And do it together! Encourage your kids to do activities with each other, whether it’s building sets of LEGOS, racing around the back yard, or playing house, shared play fosters a strong sense of friendship and lays out the groundwork for the beginning of a strong bond.
- Get Used to Fights: Arguments and squabbles between your children are an undeniable part of the sibling package. Teach them early on that it’s important to voice your feelings to your sibling and explain why you’re feeling that way, without having the need to yell. It’s okay to disagree, but it’s much more important to make up and move on.
- Empathy and Compromise: This kind of goes hand in hand with the previous point. Being able to empathize with how a person is feeling is a critical skill to have, especially when it comes to your own family. Practice it frequently and this will lay a foundation of understanding others that will serve them well throughout their life.
- Celebrate Differences: Each child is special and unique, with their own interests and strengths. Try your best to not compare or play favorites among the kiddos. Let each of your children shine and acknowledge their accomplishments without taking away from anybody else.
As long as you keep in mind these four little tips, your kids will slowly but surely build an unbreakable bond that will last a lifetime.
Adolescence: [WARNING]…May Bite
Most people agree that their kids were the hardest to handle during their teenage years. Between the raging hormones, the tentative creation of their own identity, and their unyielding desire for independence, the teenage years are much like the Wild West: you don’t know what you’re going to get.
BUT, if you’ve been instilling the lessons mentioned above, this once rough ride can become a whole lot smoother. Continue to emphasize empathy + compromise, and stress that although arguments are normal and healthy, always be sure to make up in the end. What’s become even more important though is to never compare your children. Their identities as individuals are just beginning to blossom, and there is NO reason whatsoever to make one child feel excluded or neglected due to the achievements of another. Remember, celebrate differences, no matter how big or small.
One important difference between childhood and adolescence is the need for space and freedom. Teenagers will begin to want more individual time and less family time. That’s totally OK. Make siblings learn to respect each other’s boundaries but still try and find time where they can stay connected, like family movie nights or shared hobbies.
Adulthood: A Bond that’ll Never Break
After all that trouble and effort, your once little babies have now grown into wonderful adults with their own careers, identities, and maybe even families of their own. They’re now each other’s biggest supporters and can look back on all the fights they’ve had over the years as the fondest memories. There really is no better feeling as a parent. There’s not much more to teach them, but always give them a gentle reminder that although they may live in different places, make an effort to stay connected and catch-up regularly.
Fostering a healthy sibling relationship is an ongoing journey. It starts with shared joys and play in childhood, navigating the ups and downs of adolescence, and requires continued effort into adulthood. It’s the little moments of connection, the willingness to understand, and the consistent support that make sibling bonds truly special. Invest in these relationships, and they will bring you a lifetime of joy.
